just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
