So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
