if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
