puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
