Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
