dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
