11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
