so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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