im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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