1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize