he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
