he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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