I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's just like the Real World with babies
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
