Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
