you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
