At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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