i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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