I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize