just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude. I can hear the air.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
