My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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