Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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