The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
