You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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