I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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