..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Quick, to the slutcave!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Randomize
