You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
