This girl is more easily done than said...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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