There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
