Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
