so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
