im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
