I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
