her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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