I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
