why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
