its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
