tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
