The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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