She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
