I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
