i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
