You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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