apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
