i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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