Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
