I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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