Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
