Just cropdusted the office
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just googled if crying burns calories
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
