i think my tv is drunk
My pussy is not your playground.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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