So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
