they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
