Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
