We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
