he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
