yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
