New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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