she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
