I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
