If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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