i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you never un-have a 4some
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
