maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
