my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
