This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
