I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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