I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
