I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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