so explain again why im purple
no
...so i touched it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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