Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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