I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
