My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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