it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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