If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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