I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
