playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
