you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
