College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
