dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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