i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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