even my farts smell like vagina
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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