Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
