I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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