i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
